Reader’s request: Sunglasses recommended

Colombian cyclistsFor years, the nude hued frock has been a staple of the red carpet. But put a flesh-coloured panel on a chick’s cycling uniform and all hell breaks loose.

OK, the clobber worn by the women of the Bogota Humana team for the Tour of Tuscany was a shocker. At first glimpse, the girls looked naked and, with all that groin padding, rather well hung.

But I’ve seen worse. Most things in Miley Cyrus’ wardrobe, for a start. Lady Gaga’s studded G-string (don’t ask me how she sat down in that). Gwyneth Paltrow’s 2002 Oscars frock (gothic Heidi sans bra). Borat’s mankini.

And if you’re looking for sports gear that leaves even less to the imagination, I’ve got two words. Matt Shirvington.

Or there’s the Tour de France cyclist clad in white lycra, of whose backside I saw way more than I cared for during one rain sodden stage a few years ago.

So most of us, on seeing the picture of the red, yellow and nude outfit, pulled a face, gave it the guffaw it deserved, forwarded it to some mates and got on with our day, while the photo duly went viral.

It was all good clean fun. And then the International Cycling Federation got involved.

This is the mob that somehow didn’t know most of its charges were on the juice for the best part of 20 years. The mob that’s considering reducing Lance Armstrong’s lifetime ban if he coughs up some decent information.

Yes, that mob. Of all the issues they could be tackling right now, Federation president Brian Cookson has decided to buy into women’s cycling fashion.

On the case? Unacceptable? Are you for real? At worst, this picture is going to turn up on the Most Scuzzily Dressed page of a women’s magazine. It’s hardly going to bring the sport into disrepute. Not like, I dunno, systemic doping.

Champion cyclist Nicole Cooke also weighed in. “This has turned the sport into a joke,” she said.

“Girls stand up for yourselves — say no.”

Which is a bit difficult considering it was one of the team members who designed the uniform in the first place. And on the list of things turning cycling into a joke, nude lycra would be lucky to crack the top ten.

Colombia cyclists BBCFrom there, things descended into farce. Pictures of the outfit which friends posted to me on Facebook were mysteriously removed for failing to comply with decency rules.

Twitter started issuing warnings that: “The following media may contain sensitive material.”

BBC ran a copy of the photo on its website, with a black bar strategically placed across the women’s nether regions.

People realise these women weren’t actually naked, merely fashion challenged, right?

kazblah being a fact-based blog, I researched Facebook extensively for about five minutes to find what sort of pictures do meet its exacting decency standards.

Here’s what I found.

Decency 2

So, just to clarify. Photo of fully clad women with questionable taste in colour? No way. Photo of Kim Kardashian wearing only her heels? No problem.

As for you, International Cycling Federation, perhaps you could turn your attention to more important matters, like building a decent women’s tour and paying female cyclists a living wage.

And it really is time to do something about the white lycra.

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9 Comments Add yours

  1. Kelli says:

    Again you sum up beautifully the idiocy of sport officialdom and the often inane way they fumble with women (as athlete’s, wives or fans)

    Like

    1. Kelli says:

      I meant althletes – rogue apostrophe

      Like

    2. kazblah says:

      Thanks Kelli. Poor buggers haven’t got a clue sometimes.

      Like

  2. Kasi Reynolds says:

    love it!!!!!

    P.S I can read your whole post in the email. So I don’t have to click through. If you put a snippet with a link would more ppl click through pushing your hits up?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Betty Warner says:

    Great piece. Men in lycra shouldn’t throw stones.

    Like

    1. kazblah says:

      Absolutely right, Betty. Men in lycra shouldn’t leave the house.

      Like

  4. janebartlett2002@yahoo.com.au says:

    Christ, you have some weird friends on FB if that’s the look they’re chasing. I can’t unsee the man boob beerkini you know….

    Sent from my iPad

    >

    Like

    1. kazblah says:

      Aren’t you one of my friends on FB, Jane?

      Like

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