Warnie’s 17-year grudge

Friday Funnies strap 2-2

I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here! isn’t usually the place you turn to for breaking news.

Warnie 2But for some reason, Shane Warne’s been spilling his guts in the latest Aussie season of the show.

Maybe he’s sleep deprived, or snacking on too many bugs, or threatened by all the attention Laurina’s getting. Whatever the reason, Warnie’s in rampant oversharing mode.

So far we’ve learned he loves money. No surprise. He’s never had plastic surgery. A bigger stretch of the imagination. And he has a mirror above his bed. As in on his ceiling. As in way too much information.

Plus he’s started talking in the third person.

But then he laid into the closest thing Australia has to a living deity.

Steve Waugh, he claimed, is ‘the most selfish cricketer I’ve played with’.

Warnie’s grudge goes back to 17 years ago when, straight out of shoulder surgery and not playing his best, he was briefly dropped from the Test side by his freshly minted captain.

Embed from Getty Images

Cricket’s most celebrated bowler has been smarting like it’s 1999.

For what it’s worth, let’s measure the merits of the two men. One captained Australia to some of its greatest successes, knows how to text without ending up in the news and has a charity that is actually functional. The other can’t even lead a team on reality TV.


Turns out it was a week for the epic dummy spits.

The Aussie cricket side was up in arms over Mitchell March’s dismissal in the one-day decider against New Zealand. Because the Kiwis only appealed after a replay on the big screen and the crowd went ballistic.

Either way, Marshie was out. End of story. Except this happened.

Yes, there was name calling and insult exchanging. Our guys were labelled ‘cry babies’  who were ‘all in Women’s Weekly’. Outgoing Kiwi captain Brendon McCullum’s sense of fair play was branded ‘a great sham’ by a New Zealand commentator.

And all without a single underarm ball being bowled.

One player is feeling the love, though. Footage has been released of Usman Khawaja playing with Adam Zampa’s bum during the national anthem.

“Just having a joke with the debutant,” he tweeted. “Oh boy. Didn’t realise there were cameras filming from behind.”

Cam Newton spat the dummy after losing the Super Bowl. The Carolina Panthers quarterback put in a terse monosyllabic press conference and then walked out altogether.

“I’m a sore loser,” he admitted later. “You show me a good loser and I’m going to show you a loser.”

Cam, watch this song. Learn the chorus. Sing it over and over.

World athletics boss Lord Coe, the bloke with the worst job on the planet, has had a crack at Nestle for pulling out of its sponsorship of the IAAF’s Kids’ Athletics program, citing reputation concerns.

Coe branded the decision hypocritical, considering Nestle stuck by its Tour de France sponsorship when cycling was riddled with doping. Apparently he wants equal treatment of dopers.

There was talk this week that Kenya would pull out of the Rio Olympics because of concerns about Zika virus.

Which sounds like a red herring. There are other things that may keep Kenya out of the Games.

The Tour of Qatar got underway without the Etixx-Quickstep cycling team, which was banned not because of doping concerns but because they take too long to get changed for the podium presentation.

“They’d take too much time changing their shoes, sitting around, and then meeting the press while keeping us waiting,” says Qatar’s cycling boss Sheikh Khalid Bin Ali Al Thani. “They can’t do that.”

Evidently not.

Finally, check out this robot’s hole-in-one at the Phoenix Open. Now if only it could celebrate.

Have a good weekend, everyone. Express yourself.

2 Comments Add yours

    1. kazblah says:

      Thanks Raph! A fun one to write.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s