Hello again, is Vladimir. Has been a while, da?

I share you secret. I have intoxicated. I am drunk whole bottle vodka. Twice. Now I have hurt in head from vodka and hurt in heart from ice hockey.

All of Russia is like bear with sore head. We can’t believe we lose Olympic ice hockey. Not beat American capitalist pig-dogs bad enough. Don’t get me beginning on stupid referee not allow magnificent Russian goal. Now Finland put us out of competition. Finland. Of all the little specks on map.

So now we not best in world. Not top two or even four. Top eight. Eight!! This is, I don’t know, what is English word for chush’ sobach’ya?

To us is like fall of communism all over again. You laugh but is true. Only point of have Olympics is to win ice hockey. Fifty billion dollars such small price to pay for this one gold medal.

President Putin sure not happy. Always he is most angry when most quiet. From him is only silence now. Is probably invade the Finland.

Is big shame he didn’t play. Would have made all difference. Opposition would quiver in presence of great leader. Always they do this.

Now we are hate Olympics. We want all gone. All the silly athletes and all the silly tourists. Most of all the ones from Finland. I sick of showing people how to get to snowboard and where to get the Russian dumplings. Read a map, you silly people. We too busy crying now.

They said it

“Well, eat me now. You’ll eat me and I’ll be gone.” Russian ice hockey coach Zinetula Bilyaletdinov just knows he’s going to be cannibalised by the Russian fans and media

“We didn’t score enough.” I guess that’s how you lost 3-1 to Finland, Russian captain Pavel Datsyuk

“It sucks.” Russia’s most high-profile ice hockey star Alex Ovechkin

“Dear friends, life has not come to an end. But this is a severe and annoying defeat.”

A commentator on Russian state television

“To win a gold medal in Olympic hockey for Russia, it’s like winning a war.” A Russian ice hockey fan

“The Olympics are over for me.” Another ice hockey fan, who travelled thousands of kilometres from Siberia for the Russia-Finland game

“There is Olympic hockey, and there is the rest of the Olympics.” And another fan

“I have lost any desire to stay here any longer. As for me, the Olympic flame can be put down as well.” A teenage Olympic volunteer

“We have a number of good players. But we don’t have a team.” Aleksei K. Pushkov, Chairman of the Foreign Affairs Committee in the Russian Parliament