Don’t mess with Mr Bigglesworth

Rio’s Olympic organisers thought they’d seen the worst that circumstances could throw at them. Then they came face to face with Kitty Chiller. Australia’s chef de mission bears a passing resemblance to Mr Bigglesworth, Dr Evil’s cryogenically frozen cat of Austin Powers fame. And can be just as scary if suitably provoked. Which she was…

Rate this:

Where’s the cheese, Eurovision?

One question, Eurovision. Why so serious? All these years, you’ve been so gloriously chintzy, with your sappy songs and your wind machines and your over-the-top costumes and your out-of-step dancers and your quest to corner the world sequins market. But this year, there was a distinct lack of cheese. The homage to fromage was notably…

Rate this:

Kyrgios missing from bad boy contest

Grigor Dimitrov and Bernard Tomic were duking it out this week for the mantel of baddest boy in tennis, a hotly contested title these days and strangely lacking Nick Kyrgios in recent days. Playing in the final of the Istanbul Open, Dimitrov made abstract artworks of three racquets to concede the match to Argentinian Diego…

Rate this:

The egos have landed

His fiefdom is rife with corruption, he himself is under criminal investigation and two World Cup bids get stinkier by the day. But according to Vladimir Putin, this is all good reason for FIFA president Septic Bladder to be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. Yes, in Vlad’s mind, Septic deserves the same honour that has…

Rate this:

From Russia with love

The World Anti-Doping Authority set the kot among the golubi this week with its report outlining systemic doping in Russian athletics. The accusations required a calm, rational response. What we got was the head of Russia’s anti-doping agency, Nikita Kamaev, who sounded like he’d been dipping into the banned substances himself. “I reckon some must…

Rate this:

Would the last person to leave FIFA please turn out the light?

Here’s a picture of FIFA’s executive boardroom. Yes, it would probably be right at home on a Star Trek set. But the point is, it’s empty. You see, after a night of the long knives wielded by FIFA’s ethics committee (sorry, that phrase still cracks me up), there’s no one left to run the joint….

Rate this:

Battle of the boofheads

If we’ve discovered one thing from the Adam Goodes episode this week, it’s the dumbest person in Australia. It’s been a hotly contested tussle. Some of the comments put forward wouldn’t look out of place in a Miss Universe pageant. But from the primordial slime has emerged a clear winner. Come on down, Griffin McMaster….

Rate this:

Friday Funnies: Putin declares war… on yoga

We know how much Vladimir Putin loves his sport, whether it’s riding horses, carving up an ice hockey rink, throwing blokes to the judo mat or generally being a manly man. But it seems there are some physical pursuits Vlad just can’t abide. Gay sex, for one. And yoga. Now you’d think someone with the…

Rate this:

Australia rocks the Eurovision stage

Back in February, when it was announced Australia would make its Eurovision debut, even I didn’t fancy our chances. Not that we weren’t good enough or couldn’t bling it. This is after all the land of Peter Allen, Dame Edna Everage, Kylie Minogue and Baz Luhrmann. We know our way around a sequin. But, not…

Rate this:

Friday funnies: And the numpty of the week is…

You have to wonder at the particular brand of knuckle-headedness that governs cycling. This week, at the Giro d’Italia, there was a positive story to be had. Not the failed drug test kind of positive but a solid gold good news story. Worthy of a Chariots of Fire soundtrack. That good. The scene opens on…

Rate this:

The year in sport… in song

Who better than Miley Cyrus and the cast of Deliverance, among others, to recap some of the highlights — and lowlights — of the year in sport? Budget schmudget Vladimir Putin spent $US51 billion staging the Sochi Olympics, more than every other Winter Games combined. It wasn’t enough to adequately furnish the facilities, light up…

Rate this:

Sports pursuits for our G20 visitors

Dear world leaders. Welcome to Australia. I will be your sports concierge during your G20 visit. Any sport you’d like to see or try, to take your mind off the weighty problems of the world, I’m your guy. For those of you with tickets to the much hyped Shirtfront Showdown between Tony ‘The Duke’ Abbott…

Rate this: