Stop the Games, we’re winning!


Sun sook

One of the best things about the Olympics is the blubbing. Especially when the sooky la-la is a villain getting their comeuppance.

I’m talking about Chinese swimmer Sun Yang. Done for doping two years ago, Sun’s also been known to drive unlicensed, run his Porsche into the back of a bus, provoke his competitors and a kick a female swimmer.

So he’s a drug cheat and a bit of a wally.

Yesterday, when he was beaten by Aussie Mack Horton in the 400 metres freestyle, he bawled like a baby, long and snotty, all over his coach.

Then he accused Horton of using cheap tricks, like calling him the drug cheat he is, to put him off his game. A bit rich coming from the bloke who was doing everything he could to get a rise out of Horton in the training pool a few days ago.

This morning Sun’s claiming he doesn’t even know who Horton is. Um, he’s the reason you’re wearing silver, mate.

Horton, our Harry Potter of the pool, let his swimming do the talking. And it was magic.

It was a satisfying way to open our gold medal account. And more was to come. Within an hour, we’d surpassed our entire London swimming medal haul and were sitting at the top of the medal tally.

Even diehard Games fans like me pondered if we could bring the five-ringed circus to an early conclusion.

The winners of our sole London swimming gold, the women’s 4×100 metres relay team, half of which is the Campbell sisters Bronte and Cate, stormed home in world record time to defend their Olympic crown.

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Overnight, Catherine Skinner extended our medal tally lead with a nail-biting come-from-behind win in the women’s trap shooting to secure the biggest piece of gangsta bling you’re ever likely to clap eyes on.

Rounding out our medal stash were Ryan Tyack, Taylor Worth and Alec Potts, who took bronze in the men’s team archery, and Maddison Keeney and Annabelle Smith, bronzed Aussies in the 3-metre synchronised diving.

As day two action hots up, we can only hope Channel Seven has given its app more juice to cope with the live streaming demand.

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Rope a dope

Just as satisfying as Sun Yang’s defeat was British cyclist Lizzie Armistead’s failure to make the podium in the women’s road race.

World champion Armistead was banned after missing three drug tests but miraculously overturned the suspension on appeal, which even for these drug-tainted Games raised eyebrows.

Well in contention at the pointy end of the road race, Armistead caught the karma train instead, finishing fifth.

Crime watch

Russia may not exactly be top of the pops in the Olympic fraternity but if there was a medal for taking the law into your own hands, they’d win it hands down.

Russian vice consul in Rio, Marcos Cesar Feres Braga, shot dead an attacker who tried to rob him, all while sitting in his car. A perfectly legal move back home, of course, but one that generally creates a lot of paperwork elsewhere.

Aussie team members have been instructed to go incognito outside the athletes’ village and ditch the green and gold for something less conspicuous, after two rowing coaches were robbed at knifepoint in Ipanema.

That’s the spirit

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A year ago, 18-year-old Syrian Yusra Mardini was swimming for her life after the refugee boat into which she’d been crammed came to grief in the Mediterranean.

Yesterday, she won her 100 metres butterfly heat. The time means she doesn’t progress any further. But that’s hardly the point, is it?

“It’s very cool,” she said. “I’m really lucky to be here to swim with champions.”

They probably feel the same way about you.

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