Men behaving badly in Rio

Lochte count to potato

The biggest Olympic stories of the past 24 hours have involved the off-field antics of US swimmer Ryan Lochte and the arrest of a naked IOC official.

As a refresher, here’s Lochte’s original story about being held up at gunpoint in Rio.

It’s unravelled faster than Australia’s hopes of a top five finish.

First Lochte changed aspects of his story. Those bits about the taxi being pulled over and the gold medalist having a gun pointed at his head? Didn’t happen. Embellishments caused by the trauma of the ‘robbery’, he said.

Then the robbery part started to look a bit iffy when a surveillance photo showed the lads returning to the Olympic village with their wallets intact.

At this point a Brazilian judge demanded the swimmers be detained for further questioning.

Lochte had already skipped the country back to the US. He’s not the sharpest tool in the shed — hence the kind of memes you see above — but he knew well enough to get the hell out of Dodge.

Two of his teammates weren’t so lucky, hauled off their flight home for some more chit-chat with the local constabulary, where they admitted they’d it all up.

A bit like the chk chk boom girl who claimed to witness a Kings Cross shooting.

Now it emerges the swimmers trashed a bathroom at a petrol station.

Rio 2016 spokesman Mario Andrada is prepared to cut them some slack. “Let’s give these kids a break,” he said. “Sometime you take actions that you later regret. They had fun, they made a mistake, life goes on.”

As do the merciless Twitter jokes.

Also spending some quality time with the men in blue is Irish IOC official Pat Hickey, who’s been charged with conspiracy and illegal scalping of Olympic tickets.

Hickey was in the nuddy when the law came knocking, so it’s a blessing to all of us that he was allowed to put on a dressing gown. But you’d think they’d let the bloke put on some actual clothes.

Hickey faces seven years in a Brazilian jail. Which is a bit like a prisoner exchange program given Brazil’s just spent seven years in IOC purgatory trying to get these Games up and running.

And here’s one question the IOC never imagined it would have to answer at its daily press briefing: “Is the IOC concerned that one of the enduring images from these Games may well be one of their senior members opening the door naked to a police raid?”

Anyhow, back to the actual competition and the Aussies have won two more sailing silvers, courtesy of Nathan Outteridge and Iain Jensen in the 49er class and Mathew Belcher and Will Ryan in the men’s 470.

Ken Wallace and Lachlan Tame also picked up bronze in the K2 1000 metres.

At the risk of jinxing them, I’m not even going to mention that the Boomers are on the brink of our first ever Olympic medal in men’s basketball. I’m keeping mum on that one.

Mr Bigglesworth has banned Aussie swimmers Emma McKeon and Josh Palmer from attending the closing ceremony after a night out in Copacabana.

McKeon failed to notify team management she was staying with a friend, while Palmer was found disoriented after apparently being robbed of $1,000 at gunpoint.

What Usain Bolt and Andre De Grasse might have said during their 200 metres semi-final saunter

Bolt: Get me a Caipirinha will you, dude.

De Grasse: Cocktail umbrella in or out?

Bolt: Out. And hold the fruit.

D’oh

Some uncomfortable gold medal celebrations for Germany’s Kristina Vogel after her saddle fell off on the finishing line.

And here’s why hurdling and gymnastics don’t go together.

And finally…

American gymnast Simone Biles was surprised in Rio by a visit from her celebrity crush Zac Efron. Ellen DeGeneres has offered to officiate the wedding.

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