If I was Chris Gayle’s missus

There are celebrity kids out there called Apple, Blanket, Pilot Inspektor, Audio Science, Princess Tiaamii (not an actual princess), Zuma Nesta Rock and Diva Thin Muffin Pigeen. The names are a scandal. But at least they’re not derived from an actual scandal involving one of their parents. Enter Chris Gayle, groundbreaker in all the wrong…

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Wanted: a girlfriend for Rory McIlroy

Around May 21 this year, Rory McIlroy made a phone call that was to cost Adam Scott the World No. 1 golf ranking. Scott had only secured the top spot three days earlier. For Australian fans, it had been a loooong 16-year wait for one of our own to hold the mantle of world’s top…

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Beam us up, Scotty

Over the past two months, Adam Scott has had four chances to become the world’s top golfer. And with the holy grail in sight, he has played some of his most ordinary golf. At the WGC Cadillac Championship in Miami, he tied for 25th place with Tiger Woods who, barely able to swing a golf…

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Why Aussies watch golf through their fingertips

Asked once what he had to shoot to win a particular tournament, US golfer Roger Maltbie answered: “The rest of the field.” It’s been a bit like that following Australian golf for about the last 20 years. Even when Greg Norman held the world number one position, you could never comfortably watch him play a…

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Are you a Sliding Doors fan, Tiger?

While I’m no fan of Gwyneth Paltrow, let’s for a moment apply the concept of one of her less nauseating movies to the life of Tiger Woods. Let’s assume in this Sliding Doors scenario that Tiger kept his 3-iron in his pants at the peak of his career. What would his career statistics look like…

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Be very quiet, we’re hunting Tiger

I’ve never written about golf before. It is, after all, a ridiculous sport, played by people with a masochistic streak and a toddler’s sense of fashion, who spend more time walking after the ball than actually playing it. Watching golf warps time. You switch on the telly on Friday and before you know it the…

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A complaint about offensive television broadcasting

The following is an open letter to the Australian Communications and Media Authority: Dear ACMA I wish to complain about the offensive content that lately passes for television programming. I understand from your website, which is a bit of a circus to navigate by the way, that in the first instance I should take up…

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