There are celebrity kids out there called Apple, Blanket, Pilot Inspektor, Audio Science, Princess Tiaamii (not an actual princess), Zuma Nesta Rock and Diva Thin Muffin Pigeen.
The names are a scandal. But at least they’re not derived from an actual scandal involving one of their parents.
Enter Chris Gayle, groundbreaker in all the wrong ways. He’s announced he’s calling his daughter Blush.
Yes, in the name of his firstborn, he’ll forever commemorate the moment he propositioned sports reporter Mel McLaughlin on national TV with the words ‘don’t blush baby’.
It shouldn’t surprise. This is a bloke who calls himself Six Machine, Universe Boss and King Gayle. So he crossed the boundaries of good taste long ago.
But I can’t help wondering why his girlfriend went along with it. After all, she was pretty heavily pregnant when Gayle put the hard word on McLaughlin.
If I was her, I’d be strangling him with the umbilical cord before I agreed to a name like Blush.
The international Olympic torch relay got underway this week following the official lighting of the flame in Ancient Olympia.
Unfortunately, Brazil’s president Dilma Rousseff couldn’t be a part of proceedings as she was busy at home fending off impeachment.
But those who were there had a great time doing their very best Usain Bolt impersonations.
For the first time, the flame won’t find its final home at the Olympic stadium and will instead burn somewhere in downtown Rio for the duration of the Games.
“Exactly where remains a secret,” says spokesman Mario Andrada. Because there’s just not enough uncertainty around these Games.
On matters Olympic, the Aussie competition uniforms were unveiled this week, along with a cunning plan to win gold by blinding our opponents.
That yellow should come with a warning about staring at the sun.
Meanwhile, Aussie sports officials are telling their charges they’ll need to approach the Rio Olympics as the ‘Harden Up Games’, with success depending on their ability to handle issues like poor water quality, transport and security delays, sickness and budget accommodation.
One person who may yet mentor our young athletes on adapting to such hardships is Grant Hackett.
Having failed to make the swim team, Hackett tried to attract the attention of wrestling selectors, nipple tweaking a fellow passenger for reclining his seat on a domestic flight.
Dawn Fraser was also in a fighting mood this week, wagging the finger at Aussie golfer Adam Scott, whose ‘extremely busy schedule’ prevents him from competing at Rio.
“Well done Adam, great to put your country on hold so that you can fulfil your own schedule,” went Dawnie’s Facebook rant. “How much money do you want in life? Not showing much for your country.”
Yes, Dawnie has made a habit of snacking on young Aussie sports stars of late. But the bigger question for me is whether golf should be an Olympic sport. As opposed to something like… let’s see… marble racing.
Admit it, you watched it right till the end, didn’t you?
In contrast to Hackett and Fraser’s efforts, David Warner, who has built quite the reputation for getting in the face of opposing cricketers, was after some peace and quiet. Which clearly didn’t work.
In exciting news, Novak Djokovic and his wife Jelena have opened a new health-food restaurant in Monte Carlo. Yeah, I can eat cardboard at home.
Whether this ball kid had eaten at the new noshery is yet to be determined.
Have a good weekend, everyone. Meet the world head on.