Where’s the cheese, Eurovision?

One question, Eurovision. Why so serious? All these years, you’ve been so gloriously chintzy, with your sappy songs and your wind machines and your over-the-top costumes and your out-of-step dancers and your quest to corner the world sequins market. But this year, there was a distinct lack of cheese. The homage to fromage was notably…

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Abbott’s hardline surfing policy

You’re 17 years old. You’re surfing at Noosa Heads. It’s Easter. The last thing on your mind is politics. And then some dude drops in on your wave, the cardinal sin of surfing. He’s wet-suited like a seal, also marginal behaviour in these balmy Autumn waters. It’s your former Prime Minister, Tony Abbott. While she…

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Kiwis fans play the wimp card

The Rugby World Cup is here. And if the All Blacks are anything like their fans, they’ll crumble like a chicken stock cube. In the land of the long white band of cotton wool, a petition is doing the rounds calling for a 10am start to the working day because of all the early morning…

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Put out your onions

It’s shaping as your average Monday. A quiet start to the week and, in the evening, a high-fibre diet of televisual roughage served by the ABC. In walks the Communications Minister, fittingly, to shake up the schedule. Except he’s not the Communications Minister any more. He’s challenging the Prime Minister for his job. With that…

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Sports pursuits for our G20 visitors

Dear world leaders. Welcome to Australia. I will be your sports concierge during your G20 visit. Any sport you’d like to see or try, to take your mind off the weighty problems of the world, I’m your guy. For those of you with tickets to the much hyped Shirtfront Showdown between Tony ‘The Duke’ Abbott…

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World Cup: we’re beating Spain!

When it comes to soccer,* Australians are a blindly optimistic lot. We came into the World Cup with by far the lowest ranking of the 32 countries and then got handed the crappiest draw of any team. That’s the New York Times saying that, by the way, not just this Aussie diehard. And yet we…

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