All stops to Loserville


Friday Funnies strap 2-2

It was a week for throwing away certain victories, Dutch cyclist Steven Kruijswijk most of all.

Three minutes in front going into the final weekend of the Giro d’Italia, all he had to do was stay on the bike. Then this happened.

The mishap paved the way for Vincenzo Nibali, struck down with dysentery days before and looking gone for all money, to pull off a most unlikely comeback and win.

He scored a giant piece of spiral pasta for his troubles.

Embed from Getty Images

Also clutching defeat from the jaws of victory was the Red Bull Formula One team, which called Daniel Ricciardo in for a tyre change at the Monaco Grand Prix — and forgot to bring the tyres.

“Two weeks in a row I have been screwed,” said Ricciardo of Red Bull’s pathological inability to take care of its Australian drivers.

Red Bull says it’s taken steps to ensure the pitstop blunder never happens again. Presumably that involves painting a large sign saying: Get tyres out of cupboard.

Another sportsman resorting to the sexual metaphor was Queensland footballer Sam Thaiday, who had an interesting take on his team’s dour 6-4 State of Origin win over New South Wales.

“It was a bit like losing your virginity – it wasn’t very nice but we got the job done,” he said.

LoserMoving right along and Donald Trump has his own taste of loserdom this week when the PGA Tour announced it would no longer stage the World Golf Championships at his Doral Golf Course in Miami.

In the most delicious of ironies, the tournament is being moved to Mexico!

The Combover was beside himself. “This decision only further embodies the very reason I am running for president of the United States,” he ranted. “I hope they have kidnapping insurance.”

On the subject of Florida golf courses, there are bunkers, there are water hazards. And then there are these.

And don’t you love the helpful suggestion to ‘get next to it for perspective’?

Rio continues to make every post a loser, with news the mob who’s building the Olympic velodrome has gone bankrupt.

The contract has now been handed to another, more solvent, construction firm. Hopefully one with a keener eye to a deadline too.

A week ago, cycling boss UCI president Brian Cookson said he was ‘very, very worried’ about the progress of the velodrome. That has since been upgraded to ‘seeking a change of underwear’.

China unveiled its Olympic uniforms this week. Shield your eyes… now.

Perhaps the weirdest misadventure of the week occurred when Aussie Sharon Heinrich was out cycling with a friend in South Australia.

They saw a kangaroo and decided to bond with nature. The kangaroo had other ideas. It jumped at Heinrich. And burst her breast implants.

She was able to see the funny side of things. “They worked as air bags,” she joked.

Here’s a guy eating his shirt after his basketball team got beat.

Canadian tennis player Milos Raonic has recruited John McEnroe to his coaching team. Apparently he wants a bigger share of the on-court violations.

To the French Open, and sometimes those long Grand Slam tennis matches get so tiring. Much better to play them sitting down, isn’t it Agnieszka Radwanska and Barbora Strycova?

Stand-in Aussie cricket coach Justin Langer suffered losses of a different kind when he took the team to New York en route to their West Indies tour.

He woke to find his credit card had been defrauded 22 times, then had to check himself for emergency dental surgery to remove an infected tooth.

Still, he’s not feeling as bad as David Alaba.

Finally, seven-year-old Ewen Mackenzie applied to be the team manger of Scottish Premiership club Inverness Caledonian Thistle.

In his application letter, Ewen says: “I can speak to my headmaster to see if he would be up for me leaving school early for important matches” and suggests “the players chip in and help me with my homework”.

Have a good weekend, everyone. Push the boundaries.

2 Comments Add yours

  1. Anna says:

    That’s it. Time to get implants.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. kazblah says:

      That would be bloody scary, Anna…


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