Long jumper freezes out the Zika threat

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Friday Funnies strap 2-2

You’re an Olympic champion keen to defend your title. But you’re worried the Zika virus might harm your future procreation plans. What do you do?

You freeze your sperm, of course.

While Zika has prompted a number of athletes to pull the pin on Rio altogether, 2012 Olympic long jump champion Greg Rutherford has discovered a way to have his cake and eat it too.

Austin Powers

His partner Susie Verrill has also revealed she’ll be sitting out the Games at home with their son Milo because baby-friendly accommodation in the host city is ‘slimmer than a supermodel grasshopper’.

Only a week after saying there was no need to cancel or move the Rio Olympics because of Zika, the World Health Organisation says it will actually examine the risks involved. What a novel concept.

Still, not all athletes are worried. Says American gymnast Gabby Douglas: “Mosquitoes? Like, whatever. I’m going. This is my shot. I don’t care about no stupid bugs.”

On matters Olympic, this is Great Britain’s modern pentathlon team. It’s also one of the weirdest sports photos I’ve ever clapped eyes on.

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Not as weird as this first pitch in a Nippon Professional Baseball game, featuring a Cousin It lookalike, a zombie and a kid in white undies.

Apparently it’s to promote a new Japanese horror movie. This clip is a horror movie in itself, with a bit of comic kitsch thrown in.

It’s no secret NFL commissioner Roger Goodell has his critics. But this week he was prematurely killed off by some larrikin who hacked into the league’s Twitter account.

“We regret to inform our fans that our commissioner, Roger Goodell, has passed away. He was 57,” said the hoax tweet, which was swiftly deleted.

“@nflcommish is alive and well,” countered NFL vice president of communications Brian McCarthy.

“Oi,” tweeted the hacker. “I said Roger Goodell has died. Don’t delete that tweet.”

Fortunately, Goodell could see the funny side.

Andy Murray may have lost the French Open final to Novak Djokovic but he was all class as he told the crowd how special it was for them to see Nole pull off a career Grand Slam.

“This is something that is so rare in tennis,” he said. “It’s not happened for an extremely long time and it’s going to take a long time for it to happen again.

“Me personally being on the opposite side it sucks to lose the match, but I’m proud to have been a part of today.”

While their sons went toe to toe on the Roland Garros clay, Judy Murray and Djana Djokovic went glass for glass in a more civilised contest.

Eugenie Bouchard’s been having a difficult time on the tennis court over the past year.

Things haven’t been much better off the court. This week she was trolled by a Dutch immigration official while entering the Netherlands after her second round loss at the French Open.

We know Yorkshire cricket coach Jason Gillespie is in no rush to join the Aussie coaching fraternity. Turns out the vegan won’t be stumping up for the dairy industry any time soon either.

“I hope one day the dairy industry can be shut down. I think it’s disgusting and wrong on so many levels,” Gillespie said.

Which would have gone down like a glass of off milk with Yorkshire sponsor Wensleydale Creamery.

We said goodbye to Muhammad Ali this week. And there was no more classy tribute than this one.

FIFA’s headquarters have been raided AGAIN.

Police were looking for evidence that Septic Bladder and two other former top officials of soccer’s ‘governing body’ illegally awarded themselves $80 million in pay raises and bonuses over five years.

Easy money too for Cristiano Ronaldo, who has topped the Forbes magazine list of the world’s highest-paid athletes. If he kept his shirt on after hearing that news, I’ll eat mine.

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Australia’s Olympic chef de mission Kitty Chiller has found herself out in the cold following Nick Kyrgios’ decision to withdraw from Olympic contention in a very public stoush between the two.

La Chinchilla revealed this week she had sent a 16-page ‘please explain’ letter to Kyrgios ahead of his decision.

Letters were also sent to shooter Michael Diamond, who’s on drink-driving and firearms charges, and hockey player Anna Flanagan over an alleged drink-driving cover up.

“[They] received exactly the same letter that Nick Kyrgios did,” said La Chinchilla. “Admittedly, Nick’s letter was 16 pages long. Theirs wasn’t quite that long.”

So, not exactly the same letter, Kitty. And why would the two athletes alleged to have actually broken the law receive shorter notes than a lippy tennis player?

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Olympic hurdling champ Sally Pearson is back on the track after shattering her wrist and tearing her calf and Achilles last year.

“The result is disgusting,” she said of her 13-second plus effort. But she was unperturbed. “I’m actually really excited. It’s nice to be back.”

Finally, hats off to Kuniaki Takizaki, a Japanese comedian apparently noted for his quirky cat impressions. He’s shorter and lighter than my 10-year-old daughter. Five years ago, he took out Cambodian citizenship with dreams of becoming an Olympian.

He’ll be running the marathon in Rio.

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Have a good weekend, everyone. Follow your heart.

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