There’s one in every crowd. The killjoy hell bent on dampening everyone’s enthusiasm.
So as Australia celebrated its gold medal win in the women’s rugby sevens, former hockey player and coach Ric Charlesworth was there with the bucket of cold water.
“I think the women’s rugby sevens is a soft event,” he said. “I don’t think they had a try scored against them well into the competition, so some events are much easier than others.”
For sheer muppetry, it’s right up there with the New Zealand coach who said the Aussies couldn’t handle the pressure.
For mine, the women’s rugby sevens has been one of the revelations of the Olympics. And not just because we won.
Matthew McConaughey enjoyed it too and he’s quite the sports nut. Here he is taking in the swimming. But then, that’s pretty soft too, isn’t it, Ric. Just a couple of laps of the pool and they’re done. What a doddle.
And what about that 100 metres sprint thing? Ten seconds on the track. How soft is that? Have a word to Usain Bolt about it. I’m sure he’d be receptive.
Better still, let’s see you volunteer as our rugby women’s tackle bag. Then we’ll see what soft looks like.
Adding to our rugby seven’s gold was our equestrian team of Chris Burton, Stuart Tinney and Sam Griffiths, who took out eventing bronze.
They were in the gold medal position, having done some excellent horsey ballet and horsey steeplechase, but came a gutser on the horsey high-jumps. Still, at least we beat the Poms.
At the swimming, there was no bling for Aussie backstroking lovebirds Emily Seebohm and Mitch Larkin but I’m sure they stroked each other’s backs to ease the disappointment.
Rope a dope
A few days ago, Mack Horton was the lone voice in the wilderness when he called out drug cheat Sun Yang.
Now everyone’s lining up to dob in a doper, including the biggest fish of all.
Michael Phelps had his sights set on Russian swimmer Yulia Efimova, who has had two bans for anabolic steroids and meldonium.
“To have somebody test positive not just once but twice … and still have the opportunity to swim at these Games, it breaks my heart,” he said.
Booed when she was introduced for the women’s 100 metres breaststroke, Efimova came away with silver.
US gold medalist Lilly King rubbed it in. “It was so incredible, winning a gold medal, and I know I did it clean.”
Show us your game face
Not content to rule the pool, Michael Phelps has broken the internet with the face he pulled as he was preparing for the men’s 200 metres butterfly while rival Chad le Clos danced in front of him.
It’s trending under the hashtag #PhelpsFace.
What a tosser
So we’ve established Chinese swimmer Sun Yang is a drug cheat and far enough up himself to require surgical intervention.
Now we find out he’s a bit of a numpty as well. Sun tried to throw his cap into the crowd after his 200 metres freestyle win and somehow ended up having to retrieve it from the pool.
He’s also been attracting attention for the state of his teeth, drawing comparisons with another unsavoury character.
Meanwhile, international swimming head Cornel Marculescu might have some explaining to do after giving Sun a big cuddle on the pool deck following his gold medal win.
Sun says Marculescu is like a grandfather to him.
Blub of the day
Hats off to the Kiwi women’s rugby sevens team for their mournful haka after losing the gold medal match to Australia.
Ric Charlesworth probably thought it was soft.
That’s the spirit
Anyone thinking Brazilians don’t give a rats about the Olympics should see what happens when they win their first gold medal.
Rafaela Silva hails from the infamous City of God favela but is the toast of the town after taking out the women’s 57kg judo.
Silva wins gold. See what I did there? Check the crowd reaction about 90 seconds into this video.
Olympic officials have apologised after raising cheap Chinese knock-off flags during a swimming medal ceremony.
And yes, they were made in China.
Things we only say during the Olympics
How about that water polo game?