You scribble the name of your most lethal bowler at the top of your handiwork, shove it under his hotel room door and go and settle in for a good night sleep.
When you wake up, you’re the laughing stock of international cricket. Which is saying something if you’ve been following recent events in England.
Turns out Dale Steyn didn’t get your memo. Because you stuck it under the wrong door, you muppet. And the person who received it, well they’re not stupid. They’ve gone and plastered it all over Facebook.
Hasn’t bothered Steyn though. Have a look what he did with this delivery.
Things weren’t going to plan for golfer John Daly either this week. The most sartorially challenged player on the tour, Daly landed three balls in Lake Michigan during the PGA Championship and sent his golf club after them in hot pursuit.
Daly was full of remorse afterwards. “The one I should have thrown is the 4-iron, not the 6-iron,” he said.
Also having a bad day at the office was bullfighter Saul Jimenez Fortes, returning to the ring for the first time since being gored in the neck three months ago — only to be gored in the neck again.
Turns out Fortes has been gored eight times in two years. Could be time for a less dangerous profession. Like bomb disposal.
American basketballer Matt Barnes was another one taking his life in his hands, suggesting in a TV interview he was dating Rihanna.
“Rihanna’s my friend right now so um we’ll see where it goes,” he said sheepishly. “I think it just passed the crush stage, a little bit.”
Aw shucks, you think. Ain’t young love a wonderful thing?
Until Rihanna takes to Instagram in a hashtag fury that goes #shesnotthatintoyou, #shesnotintoyouatall and, in the best takedown of all, #shesneverevenmetyou. Slam dunk!
At least Barnes can take comfort in the fact that it’s not as embarrassing as this.
Andy Murray was fooling no one when he put on this disguise to sell ice cream at the Cincinnati Masters. It’s like Austin Powers meets Lleyton Hewitt.
Meanwhile, over in Montreal, world number one Novak Djokovic was complaining of dizziness — because someone in the crowd was smoking pot.
Never one to miss an opportunity for drama queenery, Novak took his complaint to the umpire. “Someone is smoking weed, I can smell it. I’m getting dizzy,” he said in between thumping his opponent in straight sets.
Someone else who could do with mellowing out is Pittsburgh Steeler James Harrison, who made his six- and eight-year-old boys give back their sports participation trophies.
“I came home to find out that my boys received two trophies for nothing, participation trophies!” he ranted on Instagram.
“While I am very proud of my boys for everything they do and will encourage them till the day I die, these trophies will be given back until they EARN a real trophy.”
Speaking of which, James Hird won’t be earning a real trophy again. The Essendon coach finally fell on his sword this week, two and half years after the club was accused of running and illegal doping program.
Which prompted the tweet of the week from Troy Hallam.
It’s right up there with the quote of the week from Nigel Owens as he refereed last weekend’s Bledisloe Cup ‘match’ at Eden Park.
“If you’re going to cheat, cheat fairly,” he counselled the players during the second half. Let’s just put that one down to fatigue.
Have a good weekend, everyone. And remember, cheat fairly.