Catch him if you can

Always a great day at work when the worlds fastest man pops by #gettysport @usainbolt pic.twitter.com/Bfqjb9T4wN — Cameron Spencer (@cjspencois) August 15, 2016 The crowd sentiment was clear. They all wanted Bolt to win. And if he couldn’t, anyone but Cheaty McCheatface. Before the race, Bolt was cheered. The runner formerly known as Justin Gatlin…

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Long jumper freezes out the Zika threat

You’re an Olympic champion keen to defend your title. But you’re worried the Zika virus might harm your future procreation plans. What do you do? You freeze your sperm, of course. While Zika has prompted a number of athletes to pull the pin on Rio altogether, 2012 Olympic long jump champion Greg Rutherford has discovered…

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The Aussie Open on a ground pass

Having a kid changes the way you watch live tennis. Pre-progeny, I’d hunker down in Rod Laver Arena all day, working those neck muscles left, right for hours on end, me and 15,000 people getting into the soporific rhythm of summer tennis. You’d have time to study the nuances of the game, the tweaks players…

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1,009 not out. Not a typo.

Cricket stole the show this week, in good ways and bad. I’m still not sure what the big deal was about a kid eating watermelon at a cricket game. OK, yes, he ate the skin as well. But it’s not like it was an onion. Mitchell Schibeci’s watermelon demolition was Twitter’s top trending topic Down…

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The end of a love affair

The festive season can be hard on relationships. But it seems this Christmas has claimed the greatest love affair of them all.

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Cheer up, lads, you won the Davis Cup

It’s the first time the Poms have won the Davis Cup in 79 years. And it’s not like they win a lot of hardware in the sporting arena*. So you’d think the Poms could muster some excitement about taking out tennis’ ultimate team trophy. But Andy Murray says there’s no point having a victory parade…

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Enough talk about pink balls

In recent weeks there’s been more talk of balls than you’d get in a schoolyard full of teenage boys. We’ve heard that pink balls are hard to see, go soft pretty quickly, behave abnormally, are not real swingers and can turn green with wear and tear. Which is definitely not what you want in your…

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Guess who doesn’t know the rules of soccer?

“Australia was a little bit offside.” Interviewed for the ABC TV program Played, this was how FIFA boss Septic Bladder explained Australia’s failed bid to host the 2022 World Cup. Which suggests Septic needs a crash course in the rules of soccer. Because you have to be on the actual field of play — and,…

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When espionage goes wrong… and other bad days at the office

Imagine for a moment you’re a South African cricket tactician. You’ve gone to the trouble of compiling a dossier on your Kiwi opponents, their batting weaknesses and how to bowl to them. You scribble the name of your most lethal bowler at the top of your handiwork, shove it under his hotel room door and…

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Blue moon, flying pigs: I’m defending Andy Murray

Andy Murray can be a difficult person to warm to. The George Foreman of the tennis court, he lumbers around the baseline in search of the X factor — the Federer finesse, the Rafa swashbuckle, Djokovic’s rubbery contortions, a way back into the top ten. Though slightly less dour in recent years, he’s not in…

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Bring on the Commonwealth Games buffet

When it comes to food, there are times when the call of the buffet, with its all-you-can-eat prawns and multiple choice desserts, is simply too great. For an Australian sports fan, this is the appeal of the Commonwealth Games. Where the Olympics serves up precious morsels of victory, the Commonwealth Games is a veritable smorgasbord…

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A complaint about offensive television broadcasting

The following is an open letter to the Australian Communications and Media Authority: Dear ACMA I wish to complain about the offensive content that lately passes for television programming. I understand from your website, which is a bit of a circus to navigate by the way, that in the first instance I should take up…

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