Long jumper freezes out the Zika threat

You’re an Olympic champion keen to defend your title. But you’re worried the Zika virus might harm your future procreation plans. What do you do? You freeze your sperm, of course. While Zika has prompted a number of athletes to pull the pin on Rio altogether, 2012 Olympic long jump champion Greg Rutherford has discovered…

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Can things get any worse for Rio?

Brazil’s economy is tanking more than Bernie Tomic, the country’s infested with Zika-bearing mozzies, the water’s putrid and a stack of Olympics-related construction won’t make the deadline. Now, less than three months out, Brazil has just lost its president to a corruption scandal, with Dilma Rousseff suspended while she faces trial for creative budget accounting….

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Aussie tennis bromance sours

It was probably only a matter of time before Australia’s tennis bad boys turned their ill-trained weapons on each other. The surprising thing is that it’s happened in the one forum where they’re supposed to be brothers in arms. The Davis Cup. A game away from going two sets down to John Isner in a…

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Australian Open or school playground?

Watching some of the local players at the Australian Open, I’ve wondered if I was watching a tennis tournament or an episode of Summer Heights High. Then I found these reports cards. Bernard Tomic: B- Bernard is much improved this semester but still has a habit of picking fights in class. His latest feud is…

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Farewell Lleyton

We’d primed ourselves for an epic finish in the wee small hours. But it was not to be. Just before 10pm on Thursday night, the curtain closed on Lleyton Hewitt’s stellar tennis playing career. It was not the five-set marathon that has defined so much of the past two decades. David Ferrer had his measure…

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The Aussie Open on a ground pass

Having a kid changes the way you watch live tennis. Pre-progeny, I’d hunker down in Rod Laver Arena all day, working those neck muscles left, right for hours on end, me and 15,000 people getting into the soporific rhythm of summer tennis. You’d have time to study the nuances of the game, the tweaks players…

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On the road for Lleyton

First, to explain the 24-hour delay in this week’s Friday Funnies. It’s Lleyton Hewitt’s fault. On a day when I’d normally be posting the week’s sports highlights, my daughter and I spent nine hours in the car fanging our way to Melbourne for Lleyton’s farewell. A marathon drive diminishes your capacity in many key areas…

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A night at the Fast4 tennis

I’m a purist. I don’t like stuffing around with tried and tested formulas. Fifty-two types of Tim Tams? Just give me the original, thanks. The latest Star Wars? Ain’t going there. I also like to see innovations widely road tested before I jump in. For at least a few years. Which means I was one…

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Santa spills the beans

In a special treat for our readers, we have obtained a rare interview with Santa as he prepares to harness the reindeer for his annual global pilgrimage. Perhaps due to lack of sleep or an excess of Mrs Claus’ famous eggnog, Santa has blown the lid on some of the more unusual requests he has…

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FIFA’s problems solved. Honest.

Stop everything. I think I’ve found the new FIFA president. With candidates falling like flies ahead of the February 26 vote, caught up in corruption probes of their own, there has emerged a person with exactly the qualities you’d expect in the boss of soccer’s ‘governing’ body. Here are some of his recent quotes —…

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When 3,000 naked cyclists photobomb your wedding

What do you do when you collapse on a golf course and apparently stop breathing for three minutes? Well, you clamber out of your hospital bed, put on a pair of your loudest duds and turn up to play the following day smoking a cigarette. John Daly wasn’t about to let a pesky little lung…

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Kyrgios has an absolute Barry Crocker

Forty odd years ago, before he started crooning the Neighbours theme song, Barry Crocker was the unlikely lead in an irreverent flick about an Aussie lad on the loose in England. In The Adventures of Barry McKenzie, Bazza cuts an ocker swathe through the local women and the poncy establishment, always with a can of Foster’s in his…

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