A Winter Olympics… with no snow

Friday Funnies strap 2-2

When the International Olympic Committee met last weekend to decide the host city for the 2022 Winter Games, it had a choice between two cities: one with snow and one without.

But who needs snow, right? After all, the last Winter Olympics were held in the tropical slushie of Sochi.

So Beijing got the nod. Which could make for an interesting ski jump.

This photo of Beijing's skiing venue was taken by the IOC in late January. The Olympics will be held in early February. Gravel rash, anyone?
This photo of Beijing’s skiing venue was taken by the IOC in late January. The Olympics will be held in early February. Gravel rash, anyone?

The decision should come as no surprise. The bidding process has been a circus. Where there were initially six bidding cities — five of them with snow — four pulled out before the vote.

Krakow failed to get public support at a referendum, Lviv decided it needed to focus on the Ukrainian crisis on its front door, Oslo walked away from the ‘insane demands that the IOC should be treated like the king of Saudi Arabia’ and Stockholm kind of lost interest.

Which left the two ugly ducklings: Almaty in Kazakhstan, which went with the slogan ‘Keeping it real’ and used the words ‘real snow’ in its promotional video, and Beijing.

Then the IOC’s electronic voting system carked it and members had to go old-school and vote with pen and paper. Or scissors, paper, rock. Something like that.

Beijing won by four votes, despite the IOC’s own evaluation that the city would have to ‘rely completely on artificial snow’ and that ‘due to the lack of natural snow, the look of the venue may not be aesthetically pleasing’.

To top it off, China has been accused of pinching their Olympics song from the Frozen hit Let It Go. Except theirs is called Let it Snow. Kidding. Anyway, I’m not playing either song because they both make me want to puke.

On the subject of which, I guess I have to talk about the cricket at some point.

“We’re going to have a red hot crack,” promised Aussie captain Michael Clarke before the fourth Ashes Test. Turns out he was talking about the beef vindaloo they had for dinner. Or predicting the spanking Boof Lehmann would give them all in the lunch break.

All out, before lunch, for 60. One hundred and eleven balls bowled. That bloke ‘extras’ our top scorer, with 14. As if things couldn’t get any more unpleasant, Stuart Broad was the master of our undoing. Stuart bloody Broad.

But wait, it gets worse. The two worst balls of the innings were saved for this morning when Karl Stefanovic did a nudie run on national TV because Clarkey didn’t score a ton.

I’m out of words on this one. But this tweet from an Adam Gilchrist parody account sums it up.

The Aussie cricket team isn’t the only mob that had a shocker this week. After the race controversy of the past two weeks, everyone in the country knows what Adam Goodes looks like, right?

Not our national broadsheet, apparently. The Australian ran a photo of Goodes with the caption: Adam Goodes will return to training. Except it was a picture of teammate Lewis Jetta.

Let’s talk tennis, shall we? Much safer ground, unless you’re Rafael Nadal after winning the Hamburg Open and you start cramping mid-speech in the trophy presentation. I mean, who does that?

Soccer’s highest paid practitioner Cristiano Ronaldo had a bit of verbal cramping when he was asked about the corruption scandal that has engulfed the sport’s ‘governing’ body.

In case you miss it, these are his words: “I don’t care about FIFA. Or Qatar. I don’t give a f***.”

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is a man with his finger on the pulse of world affairs. A man who knows right from wrong. A man who probably thinks he could walk on water.

Which is a feat the guy below — an Aussie, might I add — probably thinks a little, um, pedestrian.

Have a good weekend, everyone. Do something unlikely.

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3 Comments Add yours

  1. Matt says:

    I’ll do something unlikely Kaz. At about 10pm tomorrow night I’ll be standing and clapping the Wallabies after they beat the All Blacks.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. kazblah says:

      That’s the spirit!

      Like

    2. kazblah says:

      And indeed you are, Matt! Who’d have thunk it?

      Like

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