You’re not in the same league, Eddie

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Friday Funnies strap 2-2

The big question for me this week has been: is there a bigger plonker on the planet than Eddie McGuire? Turns out there is.

Meet ESPN sports commentator Stephen A. Smith, a bloke who makes Eddie, with his let’s-drown-a-female-journo-like-it’s-Salem-in-the-1600s, look like a feminist.

When NFL star Ray Rice knocked out his partner in an Atlanta casino elevator, Stephen A. Smith advised women: “Don’t do anything to promote wrong actions.”

During the women’s soccer World Cup, his theory for Germany’s defenders failing to stop a free kick was: “They might not have wanted to mess their hair.”

A regular apologist for serial abuser Floyd Mayweather, he also branded rape allegations against emerging NFL star Jameis Winston as ‘terribly unfair’.

So he’s got more form than a Flemington favourite.

Dumb and Dumber 2
Dumb and Dumber

And this week, when basketball star Steph Curry’s wife Ayesha made some remarks about the NBA, Stephen A. Smith told the little woman to shush.

“I’m trying to sound as appropriate as I possibly can,” said Stephen A. (Here’s the tip. The ‘A’ in his middle name does not stand for ‘appropriate’.)

“You are the wife of Steph Curry,” he went on. “What you do is a reflection on him. You have to be mindful of that. You can’t get caught up in your own individual emotions.”

Then he suggested Ayesha should be more like James LeBron’s ‘gorgeous’ wife. “She sits there. She doesn’t bring any attention to herself.”

And yes, in case you needed reminding, we are living in the 21st century.

As Britain’s should-we-stay-or-should-we-go-now vote on European Union membership came down to the wire, Germany’s Bild newspaper pulled out all stops to keep the Poms onside.

On behalf of all Germans, it promised to recognise the controversial extra-time goal that helped win England the 1966 soccer World Cup.

It also promised to play the next penalty shoot-out between the two nations without a goalkeeper. In which case, Germany would still fancy its chances.

Up until Portugal’s game against Hungary, Cristiano Ronaldo was having a pretty ordinary Euro 2016 campaign. Which has been most entertaining for the rest of us.

And it’s great he’s been able to take all the speculation about his indifferent form in his naturally good-humoured stride.

Ronaldo was also very measured when Hungary took a 3-2 lead, with a show of restraint likely to be studied and dissected by toddlers the world over for generations to come.

But credit where it’s due. I don’t like the guy and he’s a bit too much in love with his abs, but there aren’t too many players that can casually flick a back heel at the ball and find the back of the net.

Switzerland unintentionally took a leaf out of Ronaldo’s book in the baring of flesh department, their shirts taking on the appearance of Swiss cheese in the Euro 2016 clash with France.

Puma blamed a faulty batch of material for the impromptu cutouts.

The blunder prompted the quote of the week from Switzerland winger Xherdan Shaqiri. “I hope Puma does not produce condoms.”

While there’s been a lot said about soccer hooligans at Euro 2016, Irish fans have been wearing a halo of virtue.

Last week, they were bonding with Swedish fans over ABBA. This week, they magically repaired a car roof they had dented in their exuberance.

Just when you thought Rio’s Olympic preparations couldn’t get any worse, they shot and killed a jaguar.

Juma the jaguar was brought out for a photo shoot as the Olympic torch relay wheeled past a zoo maintained by the Brazilian army.

After the ceremony, Juma somehow escaped her handlers and, well, the army didn’t exactly showcase its animal preservation credentials.

“We made a mistake in permitting the Olympic torch, a symbol of peace and unity, to be exhibited alongside a chained wild animal,” the organising committee admitted. Ya think?

Let’s end on a high note, shall we? We’ll leave the final word to this commentator after football minnows Iceland, playing in their first major international tournament, made it to the knockout stages of Euro 2016.

Have a good weekend, everyone. Show your exuberance.

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