Sharapova’s Cinderella story unravels

When Maria Sharapova alerted the media she was making a ‘major announcement’, most of the speculation was that she was about to retire. And she kind of was. The Cinderella story of the world’s richest sportswoman has quickly unravelled since she revealed she flunked a drug test. When the clock struck midnight, that was the…

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Matildas sound the perfect Peter Allen tribute

If Peter Allen’s hit song I Go To Rio doesn’t make it back into the Top 40 this week, I’ll eat my maracas. This year marks the 40th anniversary of the celebrated ditty from the bloke who, no matter how far or how wide he roamed, still called Australia home. I’ve been thinking of a…

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Aussie tennis bromance sours

It was probably only a matter of time before Australia’s tennis bad boys turned their ill-trained weapons on each other. The surprising thing is that it’s happened in the one forum where they’re supposed to be brothers in arms. The Davis Cup. A game away from going two sets down to John Isner in a…

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Rio, we have a problem

First up, this week’s roll call of disaster from Rio de Janiero. With Olympics tickets selling slower than a Sunday driver, Rio Mayor Eduardo Paes has told spectators not to bother buying tickets to the rowing. “Do not spend your money on this,” he says. “Go watch at the border of the lagoon, drinking your…

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Sepp’s silent treatment

Forgive me, readers, for I have sinned. It’s been seven weeks since my last mention of Septic Bladder. Not since New Year’s Day has he graced these pages, when we reported the heartbreaking end of his 17-year love affair with soccer’s ‘governing body’ with the haunting words, “I now no longer fight for FIFA”. Still…

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Warnie’s 17-year grudge

I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here! isn’t usually the place you turn to for breaking news. But for some reason, Shane Warne’s been spilling his guts in the latest Aussie season of the show. Maybe he’s sleep deprived, or snacking on too many bugs, or threatened by all the attention Laurina’s getting. Whatever…

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Australia’s answer to the Zika virus

A global emergency has been declared, women in certain countries are being told not to get pregnant and an Indian car company has had to rename a new vehicle originally dubbed the Zica. But Australian athletes can rest easy. As they prepare to enter the Zika hot zone of the Rio Olympics, the Australian Olympic…

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Australian Open or school playground?

Watching some of the local players at the Australian Open, I’ve wondered if I was watching a tennis tournament or an episode of Summer Heights High. Then I found these reports cards. Bernard Tomic: B- Bernard is much improved this semester but still has a habit of picking fights in class. His latest feud is…

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Farewell Lleyton

We’d primed ourselves for an epic finish in the wee small hours. But it was not to be. Just before 10pm on Thursday night, the curtain closed on Lleyton Hewitt’s stellar tennis playing career. It was not the five-set marathon that has defined so much of the past two decades. David Ferrer had his measure…

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On the road for Lleyton

First, to explain the 24-hour delay in this week’s Friday Funnies. It’s Lleyton Hewitt’s fault. On a day when I’d normally be posting the week’s sports highlights, my daughter and I spent nine hours in the car fanging our way to Melbourne for Lleyton’s farewell. A marathon drive diminishes your capacity in many key areas…

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Santa spills the beans

In a special treat for our readers, we have obtained a rare interview with Santa as he prepares to harness the reindeer for his annual global pilgrimage. Perhaps due to lack of sleep or an excess of Mrs Claus’ famous eggnog, Santa has blown the lid on some of the more unusual requests he has…

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