When Maria Sharapova alerted the media she was making a ‘major announcement’, most of the speculation was that she was about to retire. And she kind of was. The Cinderella story of the world’s richest sportswoman has quickly unravelled since she revealed she flunked a drug test. When the clock struck midnight, that was the…
Category: Friday Funnies
Rio, we have a problem
First up, this week’s roll call of disaster from Rio de Janiero. With Olympics tickets selling slower than a Sunday driver, Rio Mayor Eduardo Paes has told spectators not to bother buying tickets to the rowing. “Do not spend your money on this,” he says. “Go watch at the border of the lagoon, drinking your…
Sepp Blatter: why I’m innocent
Septic Bladder broke a two-month silence this week after appealing to FIFA to lift his eight-year ban from footy. And it was gold. “I have killed nobody, I have not robbed a bank, I have not taken any money from anywhere,” he said, providing a less than persuasive character reference on his own behalf. Then…
Sepp’s silent treatment
Forgive me, readers, for I have sinned. It’s been seven weeks since my last mention of Septic Bladder. Not since New Year’s Day has he graced these pages, when we reported the heartbreaking end of his 17-year love affair with soccer’s ‘governing body’ with the haunting words, “I now no longer fight for FIFA”. Still…
Warnie’s 17-year grudge
I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here! isn’t usually the place you turn to for breaking news. But for some reason, Shane Warne’s been spilling his guts in the latest Aussie season of the show. Maybe he’s sleep deprived, or snacking on too many bugs, or threatened by all the attention Laurina’s getting. Whatever…
Australia’s answer to the Zika virus
A global emergency has been declared, women in certain countries are being told not to get pregnant and an Indian car company has had to rename a new vehicle originally dubbed the Zica. But Australian athletes can rest easy. As they prepare to enter the Zika hot zone of the Rio Olympics, the Australian Olympic…
When watching tennis physically hurts
Let’s be honest. The changing of the men’s tennis guard happened some time ago but we’ve all been in denial. A bit like Eric Abetz about his new boss. Whenever Roger Federer takes the court against Novak Djokovic, we still want to believe it’s 2006. So this is how we felt about the first two…
Farewell Lleyton
We’d primed ourselves for an epic finish in the wee small hours. But it was not to be. Just before 10pm on Thursday night, the curtain closed on Lleyton Hewitt’s stellar tennis playing career. It was not the five-set marathon that has defined so much of the past two decades. David Ferrer had his measure…
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