First up, this week’s roll call of disaster from Rio de Janiero. With Olympics tickets selling slower than a Sunday driver, Rio Mayor Eduardo Paes has told spectators not to bother buying tickets to the rowing. “Do not spend your money on this,” he says. “Go watch at the border of the lagoon, drinking your…
Tag: Sepp Blatter
Sepp Blatter: why I’m innocent
Septic Bladder broke a two-month silence this week after appealing to FIFA to lift his eight-year ban from footy. And it was gold. “I have killed nobody, I have not robbed a bank, I have not taken any money from anywhere,” he said, providing a less than persuasive character reference on his own behalf. Then…
The Oscars and the FIFA gig: who’ll win?
You may not be aware but this weekend is a once-in-a-lifetime event. For the first time ever, the Oscars and the FIFA Presidential vote will be held on the same weekend. (I’m going to claim this as an exclusive, as I’m sure it’s a link no other sports scribe has researched.) Extraordinary things will unfold….
Sepp’s silent treatment
Forgive me, readers, for I have sinned. It’s been seven weeks since my last mention of Septic Bladder. Not since New Year’s Day has he graced these pages, when we reported the heartbreaking end of his 17-year love affair with soccer’s ‘governing body’ with the haunting words, “I now no longer fight for FIFA”. Still…
The end of a love affair
The festive season can be hard on relationships. But it seems this Christmas has claimed the greatest love affair of them all.
Santa spills the beans
In a special treat for our readers, we have obtained a rare interview with Santa as he prepares to harness the reindeer for his annual global pilgrimage. Perhaps due to lack of sleep or an excess of Mrs Claus’ famous eggnog, Santa has blown the lid on some of the more unusual requests he has…
The egos have landed
His fiefdom is rife with corruption, he himself is under criminal investigation and two World Cup bids get stinkier by the day. But according to Vladimir Putin, this is all good reason for FIFA president Septic Bladder to be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. Yes, in Vlad’s mind, Septic deserves the same honour that has…
Enough talk about pink balls
In recent weeks there’s been more talk of balls than you’d get in a schoolyard full of teenage boys. We’ve heard that pink balls are hard to see, go soft pretty quickly, behave abnormally, are not real swingers and can turn green with wear and tear. Which is definitely not what you want in your…
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